My Story of Loss
When I moved to Florida in late October 2024, I thought I was starting a new, sunny chapter. New surroundings, palm trees, and the bonus of being closer to my mom, who was healthy at the time. I imagined weekends spent together in the sunshine. Then December hit. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and everything I had envisioned changed overnight.
Suddenly, my days were split between seeing clients in my private practice and spending every evening as her caregiver. By March 2025, she was gone.
Grief didn’t politely knock on the door. It barreled in, kicked off its shoes, and made itself at home. It was heavy, messy, and relentless. I didn’t feel strong or resilient. I felt like a shell of myself, just trying to function on autopilot.
And yet, over time, something shifted. Not because I “got over it” (spoiler: you don’t), but because I learned to carry it differently. That’s what resilience after loss really is: not bouncing back to who you were before, but slowly growing around the pain. Grief doesn’t disappear; it just changes shape.
What Resilience Actually Looks Like After Loss
Resilience isn’t about smiling through tears or pretending you’re fine. It’s not about being the strong one. Sometimes resilience is just brushing your teeth. Sometimes it’s answering one text. Sometimes it’s crying in the car and then showing up to work anyway. It looks more like:
- Allowing the waves of grief to come instead of shutting them down.
- Leaning on others when the weight is too heavy to carry alone.
- Finding small routines that bring a sense of normalcy when life feels anything but normal.
- Allowing joy to return, little by little even if it feels complicated or bittersweet.
- Giving yourself grace on the days when getting out of bed is the biggest victory.
Resilience isn’t the absence of pain. It’s learning to live with the pain and still choose life.
Practical Steps for Building Resilience After Loss
1. Acknowledge Your Pain
The first step isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about facing the reality of your grief. I tried to keep it together at first, but it didn’t work. You can’t heal what you refuse to feel. Resilience begins when you give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness that comes with loss.
💡 Try this: Write down what you’re feeling without judgment. Even one sentence. “Today I feel heavy.” “I feel angry.” Naming your emotions helps reduce their power.
2. Lean Into Support
Loss can feel isolating. People don’t always know what to say, and sometimes they say the worst possible thing. But connection matters.
Whether it’s friends, family, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out creates a net that helps you when you stumble. I relied heavily on friends for support in my early grief journey. I was far away from most of them, but even just texts or calls helped.
💡 Tip: Don’t wait for people to guess what you need. It’s okay to say, “Can you sit with me?” or “I need someone to listen.”
3. Create Anchors in Your Day
In my hardest months, evenings with my mom became an anchor. After she passed, I had to create new ones. Coffee in the yard with my dogs. Journaling before bed. Paddleboarding on weekends. Little rituals helped me find stability in the storm.
💡 Try this: Choose one grounding activity: morning tea, journaling at night, walking outside, etc. and make it part of your day to day.
4. Find Meaning in the Midst of Pain
Resilience after loss often includes reimagining life with the absence of your loved one. For me, that’s looked like carrying my mom’s memory into the way I care for myself and others. My mother did what she wanted, when she wanted and I try to live by that as much as I can.
💡 Reflection prompt: What value, habit, or lesson from your loved one can you carry with you? It’s a way to keep them present without getting stuck in the grief.
5. Allow Joy Without Guilt
The first time I laughed after my mom passed, I felt guilty. How dare I find something funny when she was gone? But resilience means letting joy coexist with loss. Both can be true. You are allowed to feel both things! Feeling joy doesn’t erase your loss, it honors it.
💡 Remember: Experiencing joy doesn’t dishonor your loved one. It honors the life they would want you to keep living.
6. Take Care of Your Body
Grief isn’t just emotional, it’s physical too. Sleep changes, appetite shifts, and fatigue are common. Supporting your body supports your resilience. For me, I really had a hard time with sleep after my mother passed away. So I focused heavily on trying to get back to good sleep habits.
💡 Practical ideas:
- Stay hydrated.
- Eat nourishing meals when you can.
- Move your body gently (stretch, walk, yoga, paddle boarding).
- Prioritize rest over productivity.
7. Get Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes resilience means knowing when you can’t do it alone. A therapist or support group can help you navigate complicated emotions and find tools to cope. There is absolutely no shame in getting some help.
Encouragement for the Journey
If you’re in the thick of grief right now, you might not feel strong or resilient. That’s okay. You don’t need to be. Resilience isn’t a destination, it’s a practice. It shows up in the smallest steps: drinking water, asking for help, honoring your feelings.
You don’t have to “move on.” You don’t have to “get over it.” You only need to keep moving forward — one breath, one step, one day at a time. Grief does not go away, but it can look different over time.
I’ll never stop missing my mom. I still have days when grief hits out of nowhere. But I’ve learned that I can hold sadness and joy at the same time. I allow myself the space and time to feel the sadness over losing her and all the time I thought I would get with her by moving to Florida. But I also find time to enjoy the little things in life and add moments of joy by doing the things I love, like enjoying the company of my pets or going paddle boarding whenever I can.
Final Thoughts
Resilience after loss doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one or pretending everything is fine. It means allowing grief to live alongside life, and finding the strength to keep showing up, even when it is hard.
Whether your reset comes in small daily habits or big life changes, trust that healing is possible. Not healing back to who you were before, but healing into someone stronger, softer, and more compassionate.
👉 I’d love to hear from you: If you’ve found your own ways to rebuild after loss, I’d love to hear from you. What helped you find your footing again? Share in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs today.
If you’re ready to take your own gentle first step, I’d love to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. You will receive a free download of my 5-Day Self-Care Reset Plan. It’s a simple way to start making space for yourself again, in just five minutes a day.
Feel free to visit my Etsy shop for resources to help you on your journey. I also have a free private self-care interactive Facebook group for women that you can join here.
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