If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you know that I lost my mother in March 2025 after moving to Florida to be closer to her. Now I am facing my first big holidays without her: Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Both of these holidays bring about images of family get-togethers and celebrations, long-held family traditions, and overall holiday joy. Holidays will not be the same anymore, and I anticipate that these first ones without my mom are going to probably be the hardest. Not only do I not have my mom, I have no other family and friends around to really celebrate with. In the past, I used to come to Florida to have Christmas with my mom and spend a week or two visiting.
Part of me is glad to be able to have quiet holidays this year. It will give me time to reflect and just do my own thing without the pressure of any expectations. But then the other part of me is really sad that my mother won’t be here to make new memories with. It kind of makes me want to just skip the whole season and just wake up in January when it’s all over.
It’s not even Halloween yet, but everywhere I go there are holiday decorations and advertisements on my Facebook feed for holiday events. It is tough to be grieving when it feels like the rest of the world will be celebrating.
Why Holidays Hit So Hard After Loss
The holidays are so full of grief triggers. Familiar scents, songs, and traditions can resurface old memories that can bring grief crashing down.
There is also this pressure in the air to be cheerful. ‘Tis the season to be jolly after all! The Hallmark movies, the holiday music, the glitter-covered decorations. It can feel a little bit isolating when you are grieving.
But you can miss someone tremendously while also still experiencing moments of joy. You are allowed to feel both!
Some Tips for Handling the Holidays
I will be putting these tips into practice for myself this holiday season.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel
Try to drop the ‘shoulds.’ You do not have to be festive, cheerful, or over it. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. You’re allowed to laugh, cry, reminisce, or feel whatever you are feeling. You don’t have to pretend to be fine if you’re not.
Decide what traditions traditions stay and what can change
Traditions can be comforting sometimes, but they can also be painful. The good news is, you get to decide which ones to keep and which ones to toss. You don’t have to keep doing everything the way you always have. You can keep the parts that feel good and release the rest. And you can also create new traditions that honor the person that you lost. Changing things up isn’t disrespectful. It’s how you adapt. . I’m still not quite sure what traditions I will keep or let go of. I’m kind of figuring it out as I go.
Plan ahead for emotional triggers
Try to be intentional about your plans and who you choose to spend your holiday time with. It’s okay to decline plans if you aren’t feeling it. If you do decide to attend a holiday celebration, try to have some exit strategies at the ready. This could mean an excuse to leave early, or just thinking about ways that you can take breaks through the day if you need to. It could also be a good idea to tell your friends or family what kind of support you might need.
Find Ways to Honor Your Loved One
This will look different for everyone. It could be lighting a candle or setting a place at the table for your loved one. It might be donating to their favorite charity or cooking one of their favorite dishes. It could be sharing photos or stories. Remembering your loved one can be both bittersweet and healing at the same time. For me, I don’t think I will be decorating for Christmas this year, but last year, my mom gave me a small Christmas tree made out of sea glass as a gift. I will definitely be taking that out and displaying it in my home. I get teary just thinking about it, but I know seeing it will also bring up fond memories too.
Protect Your Energy (And Your Peace)
Be sure you are taking care of yourself. Set boundaries for yourself. Don’t overcommit to things out of obligation. Take breaks from celebrations or drama if you need to. Take time to rest when you need it. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Keep up with the things that keep you grounded. For me, it is paddle boarding, journaling and time outside.
Allow Joy Without Guilt
When you are grieving, sometimes feeling joy can make us feel guilty. It has definitely happened to me, especially early on after I lost my mom. But joy does not dishonor or disrespect your loved one. It honors the life they would want for you. By experiencing moments of joy, you are not moving on, but moving forward and figuring out how to live life without your person. The first few times I laughed after my mom died, I felt guilty. But then when I thought about it, I realized that my mom would be happy that I was laughing.
Ask For Support When it Feels Too Heavy
Talk to trusted friends or family members when you need support. Seek out an online grief group. There are also some great therapists and grief support groups out there. You don’t have to carry the weight of it all alone. Needing support does mean weakness, it just means you are human. Sometimes asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do.
Redefining the Holidays
Unfortunately, grief does not take off for holidays, but neither does love. This year, the holidays will look quite different, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still hold meaning.
You don’t have to have a ‘happy’ holiday. You can have a real one, one where tears and laughter sit at the same table.
Let this holiday season look however it needs to. This year, I’m letting the holidays just be what they are. That might mean I end up eating take out on the couch, but that’s okay if that’s what it ends up being.
So light the candle, take the walk, eat the cookie, cry if you need to, and rest when you can.
Because the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
They just have to be honest.
💌 Your Turn
What helps you through the holidays after loss? Do you have any rituals, traditions, or quiet moments that bring you peace? I’d love to hear your story. It might even help someone else feel a little less alone.
Here’s to softer holidays, gentle healing, and love that never really leaves us.
If you are grieving a loved one, you might also find my post How to Build Resilience After Loss helpful.
If you’re ready to take your own gentle first step, I’d love to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. You will receive a free download of my 5-Day Self-Care Reset Plan. It’s a simple way to start making space for yourself again, in just five minutes a day.
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