Most of us find it easy to be kind to others. offering empathy, understanding, and forgiveness when they struggle. But when it comes to ourselves? The tone changes. We become critical, impatient, and demanding.
As a therapist, I’ve seen this pattern in nearly every client, and I’ve lived it myself. We think being hard on ourselves will help us “do better,” when in truth, it just deepens shame and burnout. For a long time, I thought compassion was something I gave to other people: clients, friends, family. But when it came to myself, my inner voice was much harsher.
Self-compassion isn’t indulgent. It’s the foundation of emotional resilience. It’s a survival skill, one that helps us recover, grow, and find peace. As a therapist (and a human still learning to take my own advice), here are the five self-compassion practices that have helped me the most. And it’s something you can practice, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Here’s how to start showing yourself the same compassion you so easily give to others.
1️⃣ Speak to Yourself Like You Would a Friend
When you make a mistake or fall short of a goal, what’s the first thing you tell yourself?
Most of us default to harsh criticism:
“You should’ve known better.”
“Why can’t you get it right?”
When I first started noticing how cruel my self-talk could be, I began journaling some of the things I told myself. Things like “You should be over this by now,” or “You’re not doing enough.”
It hit me one day that I would never say those words to a friend. If someone I loved was struggling, I’d comfort them, not criticize them.
Now, when that inner critic shows up, I ask myself,
“If my best friend said this to me, how would I respond?”
Usually, that shift is enough to soften the edges of my thoughts.
Pause and imagine a friend saying the same thing to themselves. What would you tell them? Likely something softer, more supportive, realistic, kind.
Therapist Tip:
Try writing yourself a compassionate note after a hard day. It might feel awkward at first, but it retrains your inner voice to respond with care instead of criticism.
2️⃣ Notice Your Inner Critic (Without Judging It)
We all have an internal critic. It often develops as a way to keep us safe or motivated. But unchecked, it becomes cruel. My inner critic has always been loud, especially during seasons of change. After moving across states and rebuilding my life from scratch, it often whispered, “You should have it all figured out by now.”
Instead of arguing with that voice, I started getting curious about it. Where did it come from? What was it afraid of? I realized it wasn’t trying to hurt me, it was trying to protect me from disappointment.
Now, when I catch that inner commentary, I take a breath and say,
“Thank you for trying to keep me safe. But I’ve got this.”
The goal isn’t to silence it, but to understand it. When you hear that voice, pause and ask:
“What is this part of me trying to protect?”
Often, it’s rooted in fear: fear of rejection, failure, or disappointment. Naming it helps loosen its grip.
3️⃣ Allow Yourself to Be Human
When I was caring for my mom during her illness, I constantly told myself I had to stay positive. I pushed my feelings aside because I thought breaking down would make me weak.
But over time, I learned that pretending to be fine only made me feel more disconnected. Allowing myself to cry, rest, and admit “this is hard” didn’t make me fragile. It just made me human.
Perfectionism is the enemy of compassion. That’s what self-compassion really is: permission to be imperfect.
You’re allowed to need rest, to not have all the answers, to change your mind. You’re allowed to be learning.
When I worked through my own season of loss and transition, I kept reminding myself: You’re doing the best you can with what you know right now.
Now, when I’m tired or overwhelmed, I remind myself,
“You’re doing the best you can with what you know right now.”
It’s simple, but it changes everything.
4️⃣ Practice Mindful Self-Care (Without Turning It Into a To-Do List)
There was a time when my self-care routine looked more like a checklist: work out, journaling, meal prep. All things that felt like more work.
These days, self-care looks different. Sometimes it’s paddle boarding in the sunshine. Other days, it’s sitting on the patio with my dogs and a cup of coffee, letting the world slow down for a few minutes.
Self-care doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful. The goal isn’t to do it right. It’s to do it with awareness.
Self-compassion is active. It shows up in the choices you make for yourself.
Instead of “I have to do yoga and journal,” try asking:
“What would feel supportive right now?”
That’s compassion in action.
Some days it’s movement. Other days it’s sitting quietly, paddle boarding, or letting yourself cry.
When self-care comes from compassion, not obligation, it actually restores you.
5️⃣ Forgive Yourself, Again and Again
This might be the hardest one.
I’ve held onto guilt for things I couldn’t control: for not being there enough, for saying the wrong thing, for needing rest when I wanted to keep going. But forgiveness has taught me that healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about releasing the weight of it off your shoulders.
Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or excusing; it’s about releasing.
You don’t need to earn your own kindness. You deserve it simply because you’re human.
When self-blame shows up, I take a deep breath and tell myself,
“I can learn from this without punishing myself.”
It’s taken years, but I’ve realized self-forgiveness isn’t a one-time act. It’s a daily choice, a practice of allowing yourself to begin again.
💬 Final Reflection
Self-compassion doesn’t mean you stop striving or growing. It means you grow with gentleness instead of judgment. My inner critic still speaks loudly a lot of the time, but I try to counter it with self-compassion. I’m not perfect, so I certainly don’t always get it right, but I try the best I can. And that’s all you can do too.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You just need to meet yourself where you are. You don’t have to earn your own kindness. You deserve it by simply being human.
The next time your inner critic gets loud, pause and whisper to yourself: “I’m doing my best. And that’s enough for today.”
💌 Your Turn
What helps you have more compassion toward yourself? Share in the comments!
If you’re ready to take your own gentle first step, I’d love to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. You will receive a free download of my 5-Day Self-Care Reset Plan. It’s a simple way to start making space for yourself again, in just five minutes a day.
Feel free to visit my Etsy shop for resources to help you on your journey. I also have a free private self-care interactive Facebook group for women that you can join here.
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