(When “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” Feels Like Chaos Wrapped in Tinsel)
Ah, the holidays, that magical time of year when family drama, financial stress, and unrealistic expectations come gift-wrapped in twinkly lights and sprinkled with guilt.
Don’t get me wrong, there are parts I love: cozy lights, watching my dogs stare at the Christmas tree, old holiday movies. But the holidays also come with people and plans and pressure.
The holidays can be both joyful and overwhelming at the same time, especially for those of us juggling grief, boundaries, and burnout.
As a therapist (and someone who’s had my fair share of holiday meltdowns in Target), I’ve learned that protecting your peace is the key to actually enjoying the holiday season.
So let’s talk about how to stay sane, keep your boundaries, and maybe even enjoy yourself this season.
Why Peace Feels Hard to Find During the Holidays
Because everyone loses their minds. That’s why.
We try to do too much, please everyone, and make everything look magical. Add in family dynamics, grief, and bank accounts that look like they got mugged and it’s all a lot.
The holidays tend to amplify everything, the stress, nostalgia, and expectations. When we’re emotionally overloaded, our nervous system stays in overdrive.
Protecting your peace starts with one simple thing: realizing you actually can.
Step 1: Define What Peace Means for You
Peace looks different for everyone. For some, it’s saying no to parties and yes to fuzzy pajamas and Hallmark movies. For others, it’s getting out of the house before your uncle starts talking about politics.
Ask yourself: What does peace actually look like for me this season?
My first Christmas in Florida was pretty quiet and slow. No snow, no traffic, no pressure to attend a bunch of holiday events. And it was wonderful and helped me feel more grounded.
💡 Therapist tip: Peace doesn’t always mean isolation. It means intentional energy management. Figure out what fills your cup and what drains it.
Step 2: Set Boundaries (and Keep Them Simple)
Boundaries aren’t’ about being mean. They’re about keeping your sanity intact.
You don’t have to justify your choices, over-explain, or write a TED talk about why you’re skippy a party. You can say things like:
“I’d love to come, but I can’t stay long.”
“I’m skipping gifts this year, but I’m happy to spend some time together.”
“I’m not discussing politics today.”
There have been times in the past where I have overextended myself during the holidays by committing to too much: dinners, work holiday parties, gift swaps. By New Year’s Eve, I was emotionally held together by caffeine and sarcasm. But I learned my lesson: that saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It just makes you sane.
Step 3: Protect Your Energy Like It’s a Limited Edition Candle
You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends and expect to glow. It’s important to make sure that you are scheduling in self-care time during the holidays.
Treat your energy like something valuable, because it is. Schedule downtime like an appointment and try to avoid overscheduling yourself. Try to leave yourself some buffer days in between social commitments. And when you feel your anxiety spiking, use grounding techniques, like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique discussed in this post.
If you’re running on empty, even the fun stuff can feel like work. So be mindful of where you spend your energy. It’s not infinite, so try not to tap yourself out. Protect your peace before you hit the wall.
Step 4: Make Space for Stillness (and Imperfection)
Try to let go of holiday perfectionism. Store-bought cookies are fine. Half-decorated trees still sparkle. Nobody remembers if you forgot the cranberries.
We chase perfection like it’s a moral obligation, but peace comes from slowing down, not from having an Instagram-worthy tablescape.
Stillness doesn’t mean meditating for an hour (unless you really want to). It just means pausing long enough to remember that you’re allowed to enjoy this season instead of performing it.
Try to incorporate mindful moments into your routines. It could be journaling, an evening walk, or having a cup of coffee in silence.
Step 5: Stay Connected to What Grounds You
Protecting your peace isn’t about avoiding people. It’s about picking the right ones.
Spend time with people who feel safe, supportive, and drama-free. Text a friend who gets you. Take a walk. Write in your journal. Cuddle your pets.
We regulate through connection, both to others and ourselves.
Final Thoughts: Peace Is a Practice, Not a Perfect Holiday
Protecting your peace is an ongoing process, not a one time act. Some days you’ll nail it, other days you’ll end up crying in your car in the Walmart parking lot.
You’re allowed to skip the chaos,cancel plans, and celebrate the holidays in whatever way feels right for you, even if that means eating cookies in stretchy pants while watching Christmas movies alone. That still counts as festive. And if you don’t want to be festive at all, that’s okay too.
💌Your Turn
What’s one thing you’re planning to protect your peace this holiday season? Let me know in the comments.
If you’ve found it challenging to set boundaries with others, this post might be a helpful read: Why People-Pleasing Leaves You Drained and How to Break Free.
If you’re ready to take your own gentle first step, I’d love to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. You will receive a free download of my 5-Day Self-Care Reset Plan. It’s a simple way to start making space for yourself again, in just five minutes a day.
Feel free to visit my Etsy shop for resources to help you on your journey. I also have a free private self-care interactive Facebook group for women that you can join here.
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