If self-care were as simple as bubble baths and face masks, we’d all be thriving by now. The internet has really turned self-care into a marketing trend, rather than what it really is: intentional maintenance of your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
I’ve bought into it too. I used to think that self-care meant treating myself to expensive candles and saying yes to getting my nails done. But real self-care is so much more than that. It is saying no when I’m feeling burned out and actually resting. Sometimes it’s messy and hard. And it definitely does not always feel like sinking into a hot batch while soft music plays in the background.
Let’s talk about some of the self-care lies we’ve been told and the truth that actually helps.
Lie #1: Self-Care Is Supposed to Feel Good
Wouldn’t that be nice? But no. Sometimes self-care means doing the hard stuff, like setting boundaries, having difficult conversations, or going to therapy.
For me, one of my biggest lessons in self-care has been learning to say no, even when that means someone else will be disappointed. It has been an ongoing challenge for me, but something I know I have to keep doing to protect my peace.
One of my biggest self-care lessons happened during the COVID pandemic.
Backstory: I launched an online therapy practice in late December 2019, thinking it would be a slow side job. Then… March 2020 hit. Suddenly everyone wanted online therapy. Meanwhile, I still had my full-time day job too.
I took on client after client because people needed help. Until one night, I realized I hadn’t scheduled time to eat. Not like “Oh, I forgot dinner.” I mean no time at all to even shove a granola bar into my face.
Something had to change.
Saying no to new referrals was brutal. But I knew if I kept going like that, I’d burn out so badly that I’d be no help to anyone, including myself.
So yes… sometimes self-care looks like pedicures and bubble baths. But sometimes it’s saying no, disappointing someone, and protecting your own sanity.
Lie #2: Self-Care Requires Spending Money
Self-care has become so commercialized. Somewhere along the line, the wellness industry decided that self-care = skincare fridge + spa membership + a planner that costs more than your electric bill.
Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating yourself. But if your self-care costs $300 dollars and requires a subscription, it might be capitalism in disguise.
Of course there are things you can do for self-care that cost some money, but there are also so many things you can do that don’t cost you a dime, like:
- Turning off notifications
- Journaling
- Take a walk
- Asking for help
- Saying no
- Going to bed at a decent hour
- Drinking water like a responsible adult
Self-care that relies on your bank account is not sustainable (for most of us). You can’t buy boundaries. You can’t DoorDash emotional regulation. And no essential oil on earth can fix a schedule that’s destroying you.
Lie #3: Self-Care Means Doing It Alone
As an introvert myself, I love alone time. It’s where I recharge, reset, and avoid small talk. But healing isn’t something we’re meant to do in isolation.
Healthy connection is a form of self-care too. Being supported by safe people is regulating for your nervous system.
After my mom got sick, I wanted to just withdraw from everyone and pretend I could just grieve quietly on my own. And I did…for a bit. But reaching out and talking to others really helped me feel grounded again.
Lie #4: You Have to Earn Self-Care
This is the lie that makes me want to flip a table!
You do not need to earn your rest.
You do not need to finish your to-do list first.
You do not need to prove your worthiness by suffering.
Rest is not a reward, it’s a biological need.
You deserve self-care because you’re a human being with needs, not because you’ve checked off 17 tasks or survived the week without crying in your car.
Lie #5: Self-Care Looks the Same for Everyone
Self-care is deeply personal. What refuels one person might be boring or stressful for someone else. Some people journal. Some meditate. Some blast country music in the car and cry it out. Some paddle board until the world feels quiet again.
I never thought I’d be a “sporty person,” but paddle boarding has become my favorite form of self-care. It grounds me. It’s meditative. And it helps me feel present in my own life.
But that’s my thing. You might hate it and that’s completely okay.
If you aren’t sure what feels good for you, do some experimenting. Try things on and see what feels nourishing for you and ditch the rest.
Some ideas to play with:
- Journaling
- Walking
- Cuddling with pets
- Sitting outside
- Listening to calming music
- A mini digital detox
- Reading
- Guided meditations or visualizations
There’s no right way to care for yourself, only what feels genuinely nourishing to you.
What Real Self-Care Actually Looks Like
Remember that real self-care is about maintenance, not indulgence. While there’s no shame in getting a massage or having a day at the spa, real, sustainable self-care looks more like:
- Saying no without guilt
- Going to therapy
- Getting physical checkups
- Eating something nourishing
- Going outside
- Getting enough sleep
- Creating boundaries
- Being mindful of what drains or fills your energy
True self-care is about doing things that your future self will thank you for, even when it’s not pretty, fun, or instagram-worthy.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Self-Care
Real self-care isn’t about escaping your life. It’s about building a life that doesn’t make you want to escape from it.
You don’t need a perfect morning routine, a $40 candle, or a reinvented personality.
You just need to start treating yourself with the same care, compassion, and respect that you give to everyone else.
Which of these self-care lies have you fallen for? What does real self-care look like for you? Share in the comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you are looking to improve your self-care, check out my Daily Self-Care Tracker.
If you’re ready to take your own gentle first step, I’d love to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. You will receive a free download of my 5-Day Self-Care Reset Plan. It’s a simple way to start making space for yourself again, in just five minutes a day.
Feel free to visit my Etsy shop for resources to help you on your journey. I also have a free private self-care interactive Facebook group for women that you can join here.
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